If you are reading this hello!
I felt as if I should share my thoughts on various things. So I created this account to share some of the crazy things that flow through my brain from time to time. Mainly focusing on personal occurrences within my own life. Feel free to take a peek into my brain although it can be cluttered most of the time. Also feel free to let me know what you think of my writing. Thank you and I hope you have a great day!
They say that eyes are the windows into the soul. And I agree wholeheartedly with that. During times of great pride and joy, I make a point to look into other faces so I can show my happiness to others around me. The eyes give away what we are truly feeling when body and mouth remain numb and void of expression. If you are able to read the eyes of a person it can detail their ambitions, their longings, their hardships. Looking into someone’s eyes can explain more about that person then just simply their words and actions. My eyes are averted today. Not wanting to meet another’s for fear that the next pair of eyes I meet might be able to find out what I am thinking and what I am feeling. My eyes will betray me if I am not careful they will tell others what does not need to be said. These which I use mainly for my own purposes of perceiving the world around me, will be turned against me relaying information that I do not want shared, just not yet. Why do my eyes betray me so! They are mine they should know that I don’t want my own burdens to be carried by another, that my burdens, are just that, mine and mine alone not to be shared or cast off to another. My eyes, my eyes, my eyes why have you forsaken me so? If my eyes are casting off the signals into my soul I could be mocked for being weak or for not having enough courage. But why am I so afraid. There should be no fear. And yet my eyes show fear and despair. Because once again I truly do feel weak, I cannot help those who are closest to me. It is a horrible gut wrenching feeling that I wished to never experience again. My eyes, as I stare at them in the mirror, remind me of my faults and weaknesses. They remind me of all the things I have failed at. They show me the things I saw once that I have long since tried to forget. But somehow they remind me that despite those difficult times I have grown much stronger than I was. They show me that there will be even more heartache ahead, as well as more opportunities to grow.
"What he wanted was to see, to be in the atmosphere, float on the wave of it, to be carried out, blue league after blue league, away from everything."
Paul’s Case by Willa Cather
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope that somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
Each step moves me farther away.
Movement at a time like this seems absurd.
Why can’t I be still.
Why won’t you let me be. Let me be here.
My journey had been planned. I know this.
But why, why now?
My quest is now at it’s most difficult.
This test I take is at a point where I feel like I can not continue.